Who's amazingly fascinating? You are!

I wanted to warn you, I run the risk of becoming so alluring and intoxicatingly fascinating that you'll never be able to stop reading. Glued to your screen, you'll read the same rants and bitches over and over again, relishing every new take I have on what it is to be a twentysomething secretary in the South, while your pets and plants wither and dehydrate, your TV throws its tube from disuse (do tvs still use tubes? Oh well), and your children marry and have children of their own.
Because I care deeply about you, I'll try to avoid this fate on your behalf. I'll tone myself down.
Therefore, listen to this complaint about my lunch.
I went to Zen Japanese Food Fast today for lunch, and it was much worse than usual. I normally stay away from their sushi, which look like it was machined by a rice pressure-molder. There's like a pound of rice in every roll.
Anyway, today I got their seaweed salad, which is usually pretty good, and their spicy shrimp bowl. The seaweed salad was really salty, and sickeningly sweet; usually it's got a nice little vinegar punch, but this time it was like they ran out of vinegar and substituted salt and sugar. Gross. The spicy shrimp bowl was blander than normal; not spicy at all, and totally filled with green onions. I don't mind some green onions, but this was ridiculous!

WAKE UP!

OK, sorry about that. Next time I'll wait to post until I have something earthshattering to share, like the pope being a big gay-bo, or 1994's Miss Puerto Rico getting arrested for shoplifting.